


Stuck In My Own World

by Im_a_writer



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health Issues, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Social Anxiety, more characters will be added, some relationships will be added too, this could be triggering to some, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 05:55:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12315069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_a_writer/pseuds/Im_a_writer
Summary: When Matthew Williams is told that he and his mother are moving away, a strong panic sets in. Struggling with his mental health he tries to find a place for himself but just ends up pushing everyone away. When his world begins to crumble around him and he can feel himself falling, what is he supposed to do?





	Stuck In My Own World

It was a cold day outside, snow falling lightly to the ground in mid February. A light chatter and the sounds of pencils scratching on paper could be heard in the classroom. Matthew sat by himself at his single person desk, scribbling down the notes from the board and doodling on the edges of his notebook. Matthew Williams is a 15 year old sophomore at a high-school named Silver Valley High, in Canada. Silver Valley High was located in a small town, Riverfield, in the maritimes of Newfoundland and Labrador. Because of this, it was always rather quiet in or out of school. Not many people attended the school and Matthew’s class was one of the very biggest with only fourteen people. He was almost done with his notes, only one line left, when his pencil broke.

‘Oh great...’ He thought to himself, shuffling through a small pouch of which he kept all of his materials. Inside his pencil case was almost everything but a sharpener. He shrugged it off and decided to use a different pencil to finish his notes, but as he’s looked back inside he couldn’t find a single spare. ‘Not this again, I swear I had a dozen pencils with me this morning.’ A familiar feeling began to rush through his body. His heart pounded in his ears, his hands got clammy, and a few shivers ran down his back. Leg bouncing involuntarily under his desk, he attempted to calm himself down.

‘It’s alright, it’s just a line of notes left. I don’t need to write it down. It won’t make a difference, right? Calm down. Just breathe. In and out,’ his eyes scanned the room and his hand arose to his mouth for him to nibble on the tips of his fingers. Deafened from his heartbeat and deep breaths he allowed himself to slip into subconscious. This was a constantly reoccurring situation that Matthew was put in. Whenever a single thought of interacting with another person, even just asking for a pencil, slipped into his mind is body would go on a frenzy. It confused him very much. Many nights when he lay awake in the dark he would grab his phone, searching his symptoms. Practically all of the results came back with the same answer: anxiety. From what he knew about anxiety is that it’s a part of everyday life, so it shouldn’t be a problem right? He was just overreacting about an everyday function. But what if it was an actual problem? Well he wasn’t a therapist so he wouldn’t know and it’s never good to self-diagnose, right? On many occasions he thought to tell his mom, ask for advise, but in the end he couldn’t trust himself. Deep down he knew it wasn’t normal to be this afraid of human interaction, but he just didn’t have it in himself to speak up. 

Too busy with his breathing he let time slip though his fingers and the bell rang signaling the end of the day. Hesitantly after everyone else stood up, he got to his feet. Putting his things away and grabbing his bag, he exited the classroom. Walking down the small hallway to the main door, he reflected on what happened inside the classroom. Matthew wished that it would never happened again, but grudgingly accepted that his wish probably wouldn't be granted. He hissed as he walked through the school doors into the cold winter air. His feet crunching in the thin snow and rocks, he pushed himself down the path to the houses. He slowly arrived at the house sites and pulled himself up a hill. His feet dragging behind him leaving muddy trails he made his way down a much smaller path, leading to his own front door. As he entered his home a light heat pressed against his face coming from the flickering flames in the fireplace. He sighed, despite the fire it was still cold inside, and it was even colder in his room. A few years back their air conditioner and heater broke. Neither he nor his mom were bothered to do anything with it, so they had to deal with whatever the weather brought.

"Home, Matthew?" Called the voice of his loving mother. It had always been the two of them and Matthew liked it that way, quiet and peaceful. Matthew never met his dad, well, he can't remember him is all. He didn't know if he died, left, or whatever the situation is. They never talked about it and Matthew was fine with that. He doesn't even remember his father so why should he care.

"Yeah." Plopping down his bag by the door and slipping off his shoes, he made progress towards the stairway.

"Where you heading?"  
"My room."  
"Going off for another adventure, are we?"  
"Yup."  
"Alright, but remember dinner will be ready by five!" This was something Matthew would do: get home from school and walk down the coast. He would listen to music and get lost in his own world. It calmedd him and he never got tired of it. Just being able to be out there and breathe, being so firmly in place but being so lost at the same time gave him an unexplainable feeling inside. And so he did that. Running upstairs, slipping off his uniform into something more comfortable, grabbing his phone and earbuds, he ran out of the house and down to the coast line. He started with a slow stroll down the beach, but as he smelt the salt from the sea, felt the sand and snow beneath his feet, and let the music flood his ears, it wasn't just a walk anymore. He was in another world. Head tilted upwards the sky, he let it surround him. He was standing alone in a seemingly unending paradox of nothingness. Time and space slipped away and he was gone.

By the time he returned to his senses the sky was already getting darker. After checking the time he started rushing back to his house, scared of the danger that may lay at home. Once he arrived he slammed open to door. Panting and sweating slightly he searched the room for his mom. She was sitting alone at the kitchen table, with food, wait for him. A huge wave of guilt crashed over him and he rushed to her side spurting out apologies nonstop. It was only when she placed a finger to his lips that he was silenced.

"It's okay. I like how you get caught up in your little worlds. Anyways, sit down. I finished cooking late so it should still be warm." His mother said. Matthew cautiously sat down and dug in. It was a seemingly long period of time that the two were eating, an awkward silence in the air. All Matthew could focus on was how much noise he was making with his knife and fork on his plate. He felt his body flush once again. He gently put down his utensils and rubbed his sweaty hands together. His leg was bouncing again as he tried to push it down.

"Ahem." His mother cleared her throat. Sheepishly he looked up to face her. "I have something I need to talk to you about." Matthew's heart began to race, had she noticed how he was acting? What if he was just overreacting? "And before you go worrying, you're not in any trouble. None at all." Whew, he was safe. What could it be then? "I'm sure you don't like the house being freezing in the winter, but next winter you won't have to deal with that."

"We're getting a new heater?" A stream of happiness rushed through Matthew and his earlier panic pushed away. He could survive in freezing temperatures but it wasn't that he liked them. Finally he would be warm!

"No, we're not Matthew." He froze. What did she mean? She just said... "I know you're probably confused but let's face the facts. You're turning sixteen in July, you've lived here your whole life. You've never brought home a single friend, you haven't ever met your other family members, and you haven't ever experienced true life. The real world is different and I think it's about time for a change of scenery." The happiness died inside of him. His throat began to close up. They were moving?

"We're... we're moving?" He choked out. He didn't understand... why? Why then? Most of all though, where were they moving to?

"It's going to take some time to settle in, but I hope you understand why we're doing this. Think of it this way: you'll meet your aunts and uncles, you'll meet your cousins, you'll make new friends, and go to a new school. Wont it be fun? New adventures all around, oh! And you probably want to know where we're moving, huh? Well... Bradford, Florida, USA!" USA? No way. That place is full of people. There's no way he could survive there! Swallowing thickly, he felt panic arise in him once more. This time it was stronger than ever before. Standing abruptly and silencing his mom, he spoke.

"Um- I'm not hungry anymore- I'm going to my room- goodnight." Voice cracking, he left. Scurrying up into his room he hoped his mother didn't notice tears now streaming down his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I will try to update this as often as possible.


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